Friday, May 2, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Then came the shame that ate the embarrassment that smacked the humor that...
Hear it performed by the 08 Seder Crew (night 1) in THX Surround Sound:
http://download.yousendit.com/8957A40479D414C3
Monday, March 10, 2008
Road Rage
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Bits
Scene 1: Before our first trip to the park, my father decides we should grab a quick lunch. Much like Hawaii became Orlando, quick lunch became McDonalds drive-in and eating in the car. After circling the McDonalds 3 times (no need to exaggerate for effect) we pulled into the drive-through for the following exchange (please note, that despite the humor, none of this exchange was said sarcastically or for intentional humor. Also note that it probably does not translate to written description well):
Red & Yellow box: "Hi welcome to McDonalds, would you like an Extra Value Meal today?"
Big Poppa: "uh, um, what is an extra value meal?"
The Box: "what?"
Bumdiddly B: "huh?"
The Smiling M: "What is your order sir?"
The Man in the Combed-Over Hat: "I'd like a number 4 meal... (20 second pause)"
The Confused Clown: "Thank you, please pull around"
Mommy Dearest: "_____, WHAT ABOUT MY ORDER!"
Exasperated Pops: "________, I'm getting it!"
Eventually the orders are placed and 5 minutes later the value meals come, but the fries are delayed so we can get fresh, which my parents questioned and another lengthy discussion ensued while we blocked the drive-thu. Again, this description can't possibly do the situation justice and may not even read as funny. Oh well.
Btw, we have now been lost 4 times and spent probably 2 hours searching for destinations. God I love family vacations.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Picture it, Orlando, 2008....
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
...And so it begins
For those not familiar with the events that led to this "vacation" (and yes, I plan to drastically over use air quotes for dramatic effect), here is a quick "Previously on A Fat Man in Dunks" (thought I was "joking" about the air quotes, didn't you?). Last summer my parents took a trip to Hawaii. During their trip, they somehow couldn't pass up a free trip to owahu (phenotically speaking) in exchange for sitting through a time-share pitch. Damned if they didn't come away with a shiny new mortgage on a yet-to-be-built luxurious time-share, complete with "lock-off" second bedroom. Here is where I come back into the story. Upon telling me of their grand purchase and the mortgage I would inherit, my parents said that they would love to let my girlfriend and I use the property. In fact, the time share can be traded in for stays at Westin properties anywhere in the world, including the Virgin Islands, Hawaii, and Greece. Well, as time passed, the offer changed a bit, much the same way a grand snowman changes into a muddy puddle with a rotting carrot sticking out. Suddenly we were discussing a trip "together" and Hawaii or St. John became Orlando. Pain Killers served in pineapple rinds by bikini clad bartenders became Diet Coke's served with crazy Mickey ear straws served by pimply Floridians. Peaceful beaches became dashes for the FastPass machines. If this sounds a bit dramaticized, then you obviously have not spent time with my parents and don't appreciate comedic flair. As I mentioned earlier, my parents are in their mid 60's and have .314 good knees between the two of them. On our recent trip to California, the spectacle of our slow migration across the terminal prompted several airport attendants to offer them unsolicited rides on the disabled cart. Luckily, there is a steady stream of loud bickering to pass the time and distract from the dim-witted turtles mocking us as they pass. (Btw, I mock, but I do love them). Probably enough back-story, but trust me that we are a quite the road show.
T-3 days till departure....