Thoughts of a Fat Man in Dunks

Not angry like this!

2008-05-02T18:44:00.000-04:00

Come on, make him happy like this...

2008-05-02T18:43:00.000-04:00

This boy wants a chick to blog about him...

2008-05-02T18:39:00.001-04:00

Dave wants to see his name in a blog

2008-05-02T18:32:00.001-04:00

Here you go

Makin whoopie, without the chametz

2008-04-19T22:20:00.001-04:00

http://download.yousendit.com/1DB06C9173CF8169

Who knows one, I know one bad American Jewish Idol audition tape

2008-04-19T22:17:00.002-04:00

http://download.yousendit.com/A41F68E721CF0415

Then came the shame that ate the embarrassment that smacked the humor that...

2008-04-19T22:16:00.001-04:00

Hear it performed by the 08 Seder Crew (night 1) in THX Surround Sound:

http://download.yousendit.com/8957A40479D414C3

Celebration time, come on!

2008-04-19T22:08:00.000-04:00

I can't bear it anymore, Disneyworld makes me horny...

2008-03-10T17:22:00.000-04:00

And spending lots of time with my father leads to bad puns

Road Rage

2008-03-10T12:19:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure what happened, but my mom just came "speeding" by us on her rented old-person scooter with a very angry look on her face. She didn't even notice us, nor several pedestrians that crossed her electrically charged and wire basket led path. My father is ahead of us in a 1 hour queue (that's metric for line), so I am not sure what triggered the spat, or at least nothing more specific than my mother's lack of patience. Not to gloss over the scooter, I'll come back to that in a later post when I have a picture to illustrate the asaninenaity.

In Car Navigation Unit... That Keeps Getting Us Lost

2008-03-10T11:12:00.000-04:00

Bits

2008-03-09T21:45:00.001-04:00

This trip has been every bit the disaster and as amusing as expected; however, I don't think I can capture it in words. The best I can do is random snippets of the "conversations". I say "conversations" first because I promised to abuse quotes and second because much of my family's conversations are transmitted in exasperated yells.

Scene 1: Before our first trip to the park, my father decides we should grab a quick lunch. Much like Hawaii became Orlando, quick lunch became McDonalds drive-in and eating in the car. After circling the McDonalds 3 times (no need to exaggerate for effect) we pulled into the drive-through for the following exchange (please note, that despite the humor, none of this exchange was said sarcastically or for intentional humor. Also note that it probably does not translate to written description well):

Red & Yellow box: "Hi welcome to McDonalds, would you like an Extra Value Meal today?"
Big Poppa: "uh, um, what is an extra value meal?"
The Box: "what?"
Bumdiddly B: "huh?"
The Smiling M: "What is your order sir?"
The Man in the Combed-Over Hat: "I'd like a number 4 meal... (20 second pause)"
The Confused Clown: "Thank you, please pull around"
Mommy Dearest: "_____, WHAT ABOUT MY ORDER!"
Exasperated Pops: "________, I'm getting it!"
Eventually the orders are placed and 5 minutes later the value meals come, but the fries are delayed so we can get fresh, which my parents questioned and another lengthy discussion ensued while we blocked the drive-thu. Again, this description can't possibly do the situation justice and may not even read as funny. Oh well.

Btw, we have now been lost 4 times and spent probably 2 hours searching for destinations. God I love family vacations.

The guiding light in life...

2008-03-07T19:22:00.001-05:00

To the hippity hip and you don't stop...

2008-03-07T16:47:00.000-05:00

Po pantelone madre!

2008-03-07T15:33:00.000-05:00

He said nice pants!

Picture it, Orlando, 2008....

2008-03-05T20:31:00.004-05:00

I was speaking with my father yesterday to plan a few of our activities in Orlando, so that we could reserve tickets, etc. And he drops this on me.... "Well I don't really have any interest or need to go to The Magic Kingdom, but we can go there if you would like..." WHAT? We are going to Orlando, rather than anywhere else in the world, because he is a Disney fan. We are going to Orlando for Disney World. But he has no interest in going to The Magic Kingdom, which I always thought of as synonymous with Disney World? Are we really taking a trip to see the big ball in Epcot, a few sedated zebras at The Animal Kingdom, and the set of The Golden Girls in Universal Studios, ? I've seen big balls before, I've taken my father to feed rhinos and giraffes at an animal park, but I do love Rose, Sophia, Dorothy, and Blanche. I just don't get it.

...And so it begins

2008-03-04T00:33:00.000-05:00

I started this blog to document the impending visit to Disneyland with my mid-sixties parents and my girlfriend. I expect it to be an "interesting" 5 days and plan to share the joy with my friends.

For those not familiar with the events that led to this "vacation" (and yes, I plan to drastically over use air quotes for dramatic effect), here is a quick "Previously on A Fat Man in Dunks" (thought I was "joking" about the air quotes, didn't you?). Last summer my parents took a trip to Hawaii. During their trip, they somehow couldn't pass up a free trip to owahu (phenotically speaking) in exchange for sitting through a time-share pitch. Damned if they didn't come away with a shiny new mortgage on a yet-to-be-built luxurious time-share, complete with "lock-off" second bedroom. Here is where I come back into the story. Upon telling me of their grand purchase and the mortgage I would inherit, my parents said that they would love to let my girlfriend and I use the property. In fact, the time share can be traded in for stays at Westin properties anywhere in the world, including the Virgin Islands, Hawaii, and Greece. Well, as time passed, the offer changed a bit, much the same way a grand snowman changes into a muddy puddle with a rotting carrot sticking out. Suddenly we were discussing a trip "together" and Hawaii or St. John became Orlando. Pain Killers served in pineapple rinds by bikini clad bartenders became Diet Coke's served with crazy Mickey ear straws served by pimply Floridians. Peaceful beaches became dashes for the FastPass machines. If this sounds a bit dramaticized, then you obviously have not spent time with my parents and don't appreciate comedic flair. As I mentioned earlier, my parents are in their mid 60's and have .314 good knees between the two of them. On our recent trip to California, the spectacle of our slow migration across the terminal prompted several airport attendants to offer them unsolicited rides on the disabled cart. Luckily, there is a steady stream of loud bickering to pass the time and distract from the dim-witted turtles mocking us as they pass. (Btw, I mock, but I do love them). Probably enough back-story, but trust me that we are a quite the road show.

T-3 days till departure....

Test Post

2008-03-02T18:59:00.002-05:00

This is the first test post